Blank nights, white light, blooming in my head 
Disc like palm sized, fitting in my hand 
Kernel, core, jewel, dirty oyster's pearl 
Flash white, snowbright, Hollow spiral swirl 

claustrophobic core begins to birth 
Clumsy limbs reach, clenching at the earth 
Meaning rends itself to nothingness 
How did you wind up in all this mess? 

Go to bed my sleepyhead 
dont cry youll be just fine 

Snug in socket, phantom eye peers in 
Gleaming like bonewhite skull, china-skin 
Nothing, silence, quaking in each breath 
Gently waltzing, spinning, dancing death 

Flash white, snowbright, Hollow spiral swirl 
Trail of letters, stories of a girl 
I can feel it heaving in my skin 
Earthquake shudders, quaking from within 

claustrophobic core begins to birth 
Clumsy limbs reach, clenching at the earth 
Meaning rends itself to nothingness 
How did you wind up in all this mess? 

Go to bed my sleepyhead 

dont cry Ill be there soon 

26/4

I want to gobble words. To mince and chew and grind, the teeth sharp and snug around each syllable: gobble, gobble, tow and trouble, till meaning
rends itself to nothingness, the white gleaming like a bone-white skull.

Blank nights, white light, the moon blooming like a flower into the back of my head. Like a pair of eyes disc-like, just the right size to fit into the palm of my hand; snug in the socket, a false eye looking out upon a perpetually dazzled sky.

Perhaps there is something wrong with me. Missing irises, a phantom eye with floating tentacles dangling in the universe-ether. When the thunder rumbles, I feel it
deep in the inside of my bones. I can feel it heaving under my skin, an earthquake quaking with each exalted breath.

And the lightning, flash-white, snow-bright, bleaching the hollow of my heart the colour of un-being. 

I miss it- something- a kernel, core. A little jewel, buried deep in the inside of me. A dirty, black oyster's pearl. Dirty, smote with dream dust. A black smudge of nothing, dirty
upon my fingerprints.

Perhaps- womb, claustrophobic core. Limbs clumsy and clenching earth, a clutter of bones crisp against the earth's belly-- birth, in(side)- un-being, snug-in--

in-between breaths, a tiny spark flickering. 

 

I am a fae child, 
surviving on brittle bones 
hollowed out by sunlight 
and left to die alone 

under the sun's mirror 
like a chandelier 
the light that shines deceiving 
you better not draw near 

a hundred shards they flicker 
shining here and there 
foreign light's alluring 
but you best beware 

I am a fae child, 
surviving on brittle bones 
hollowed out by sunlight 
and left to die alone 

Alone... 

Conjuring the phantoms 
plucked from her gaping heart 
the wind it goes straight through her 
as she falls apart 

She was a fae child 
survived on brittle bones 
hollowed out by sunlight 
she's left to die alone 

Alone...

26/7
I am a fey child, surviving on eggshells 
and brittle bones, hollowed out by sun 
and light.

(fragment, part of a larger whole)
~
9th aug-
Me: a hundred shards of light flickering
under the sun's mirror. a hundred selves rotating
like a chandelier encrusted in sapphire shades
glinting here, there, a hundred pale winks, each
a doorway

the light that shines outwards is deceiving. Do not trust it.
voices bespeak- she- in a hundred tones, a hundred graduations
of the same colour. 

Cat: it is inhere, unreal, unbelonging
what is she? oh, heart of an ice shard, cutting
to the bone. She'll capture you with her amber
eyes and snare you with her diamond claws
do not trust. Do Not Trust. Beware, beware
the cat at the door.

walls: patter, patter. the echos of faraway rain
a storm in my cellar. What is there to spy 
across the plains? only the echo of heartbeats
beating beating beating
a huge pulsating heart, speaking the language
of dreams and horizons never seen
a stampede of dream horses moaning, a dark
swirl sweeping like dark skies of dawn-

beware, beware.  

 I think of you again 

till the memory of you 
slips out of my hands 
it drips onto the floor 
but you are now gone 
forever more 

Like a lover he 
inscribes his poetry 
in that secret space under your ribs 
branding you as his 


Stranded from homeland 
from soul-land 
where I left my heart behind 
with the wind and now the 
clouds and the expanse 
of the blue sky 
just beyond my fingertips 

this pain it is 

trying to articulate it 
is like tearing syllables 
from my body from my skin 
trying to separate my body from him 

where your words pierced flesh 
I feel my heart burst out of my chest 
Alliterations lost in translation 
The same motifs repeat 

Stranded from homeland 
from soul-land 
where I left my heart behind 
with the wind and now the 
clouds and the expanse 
of the blue sky 
just beyond my fingertips 

this pain it is 

I miss you I miss you I miss you 

I miss you I miss you I miss you... 

but I want you to leave

  Stranded. From homeland. Soul-land, where I left my heart behind with the wind, and the clouds, and the expanse of blue sky beyond my fingertips. 

  The pain lodged, like a ball of hot poison, behind ribs. Burning, like fire.

  A loss of soul, perhaps. Lacunae. Like I’ve grown crevices and valleys inside my already hollow bones, yet I cannot fly. Body, suddenly heavy and real as concrete. 

  Gone, the days when I could melt into vapor with the next gust of wind, with the intangible realities, now devils. Love. World. Truth. Made sense, then. 

  The wind blows into your soul, there. Pours through your moist mouth and down the valley of your thorax, into your lungs, heart, and out. Like a lover, he inscribes his poetry in that secret space underneath your ribs. For you, and only you. 


  World’s lover, done forever. I think of you again and again till the memory of you falls from my lips onto my hands, hardening into a pearl, and then melting, deliquescent, onto my skin and down to my feet; suddenly, a black mass of nothing.  


  I miss you. I cannot say how much. 

  Trying to articulate it is like tearing syllables from my body, from my skin. Every minute, trying to separate my existence from yours, I fail; left scarred where nails pierced flesh, and heart burst-

  Words slip my tongue, falling broken at my feet. Alliterations lost in translation. Syllables pierced and dismembered by desperate hands. Lines drawn in black over my body, on paper, the same motifs repeat-


  I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.


  Perhaps if I say it enough times, it will cease to mean anything, and your ghost will stop haunting me with each breath I inhale in this suddenly earthy world made of green flesh, cold air, bitter dreams. 


  But I don’t want you to leave. 

  

"Ink Stain"
Secretly you whisper
wasted words drip down
leak into my chest and
I begin to drown

Dirty words are inky
they stain my blank hands
leak onto my feet and
I can barely stand

Draw your arm around my
neck just like a noose
Kicking and Im screaming
but I can not get loose

Your eyes even glimmer in the dark
Bet you've never even missed your mark
Your eyes even glimmer in the dark
Bet you've never even missed your mark

Missed your...

I can hear it all now
repeats just the same
Its a different face now
but its the same game

Your eyes even glimmer in the dark
Bet you've never even missed your mark
Your eyes even glimmer in the dark
Bet you've never even missed your mark

Missed your...

Control freak you have me
tangled in your web
Only me only me
that is what you said

Control freak you have me
tangled in your web
Only me only me
that is what you said

Your eyes even glimmer in the dark
Bet you've never even missed your mark
Your eyes even glimmer in the dark
Bet you've never even missed your mark

Missed your... 

i: A triplet haiku 

whirlpool of darkness
domed sky shaken upside down
stars wink their solace

wasted words drip down
from the fractures of my heart
staining my blank hands

swathed in between sheets
I remember your embrace
promising blue skies

~

ii: rebirth from moon-swollen nights

 

 You are beautiful, I whisper, as your silver-gilded fingers touch a strand of my ink-coloured hair. Your hands diffuse into the light with the stain of its darkness, as you draw an arm around my neck like a noose.

  You are beautiful, because you are insubstantial. Your face wrinkles into a smile: all teeth and eyes and brightness that blinds. Silent as dawn, you draw me further into the nest of your ribcage, sending velvet fingers up and down my back like a prophecy. Rhythmically, they tap and taper, dance and disfigure a phantom tune from my petrified bones. An arm, or some limb, passes through my chest like a startled reverie, alighting with precision on the pressed, dried residue of my ashen heart. Tip, tap, heart trap.

  Twin arms sprayed, I embrace your sky like a bird, eyes pursed and feathers unfolded. You enclose me in the winged flight of your fingers. I fall.

  The curtain parts. Sun tremors down the gauzy fabric in dizzy arrows of uncertainty. Shocks of light shake you violently from my skin in a shudder. You disappear, suddenly, inexplicably, into light and air; smoke and shadows, residue of a dream. All that had been of you has gone, dissipated with the new day and the stubborn sun.

  But the dried memory of you is imprinted on my bones.

  A whisper dances upon the flowers outside my window; the birds sing a twittering serenade.

   You are beautiful.

  Slowly, like a secret, I can feel the sun rising from the ashes of my heart; I smile.


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